Up in the Air

I’ll be honest, I haven’t always been a big fan of George Clooney. I never watched ER, the Oceans movies do nothing for me, and Batman and Robin scarred my childhood worse than any drunken uncle ever could.

But then I saw Burn After Reading, a movie I dearly love for the way it purposely and gleefully destroys the concept of suspension of disbelief. While I didn’t actually like George Clooney in that movie (actually, I didn’t like anyone in that movie except for the always manly J.K. Simmons), I didn’t hate him either. Which was better than nothing.

Burn After Reading paved the way for my oh-my-god-this-actor-I-used-to-despise-is-actually-good moment, which occurred about five minutes into The Fantastic Mr. Fox, which rightfully should win the Oscar for best animated film over Up (but won’t). Don’t get me wrong, I’m as big a Pixar fanboy as any, but Fox is on par with any film they’ve put out, just as reverent to the tradition of the medium but with a unique sensibility that appeals to my own innate weirdness which makes it about my favourite animated film since Finding Nemo. The performances were sublime, and even Owen Wilson was tolerable, but Clooney was the soul of the movie. I never for one second stopped thinking that the fox on-screen was George Clooney, but it didn’t matter, because he was just such a likeable scoundrel that you couldn’t help but root for him.

And that’s pretty much the story of Up in the Air. I don’t even remember the name of Clooney’s character, because you never forget for one second that the person you’re watching is George Clooney. But that’s okay, because George Clooney (apparently) is a very likable guy. Of course if it turns out that the real George Clooney is a tremendous antisocial douche, then by god I’ll declare his performance in this film one of the greatest of all time. I highly doubt this is the case though.

And then there are Clooney’s co-stars, Anna Kendrick and Vera Farmiga. Farmiga gave a great performance as Clooney’s love interest, but Kendrick teetered on the wrong side of subtle a few times too often. To be honest I’m not sure why either were nominated for Oscars. I’m not complaining though, if only because Vera Farmiga’s nomination has resulted in this awesome bit of trivia:

Black Sidekick and Generic Muscle demand recognition from the Academy

That makes two of the main cast members of Roar in Oscar-ville. Not bad for a ripoff of Hercules and Xena.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

This one will be short because I’m trying my best to be a more positive person.

Meh, fuck that.

Look, it’s not the worst movie in the world. But I had a cartload of problems with it. First of all, it felt really rushed, as if the director was trying to jam as much of the book into a pre-determined running time. It’s the same problem the first couple of Harry Potter films had, which makes sense since Chris Columbus directed those before moving on to The Lightning Thief. There’s no buildup with any of the revelations, information’s just sort of lobbed at you in a burst of exposition from Black Sidekick or Pointless Cameo and you’re expected to choke it down before moving on to the next “exciting” action sequence.

Ah yes, I forgot to mention Black Sidekick and Pointless Cameo. The movie has way too much of both. Permit me to have a glass of water before I go on a bit of a rant.

So Percy’s best friend and sidekick, Grover, is a satyr, a creature of legend. Which makes sense in a movie based on a book based on Greek myth. But it does not explain to me why the satyr is half-goat, half wise-cracking street-smart young man of African persuasion.

Talk to the hand.

In a perfect world, film will feature more black leads and fewer black sidekicks. But in the meantime, can’t we have movies where black supporting actors don’t automatically slot into the generic Black Sidekick mold carved out by Richard Pryor? I mean, okay, Chris Tucker has no other means of income, but come on now. This is Obama’s America, people.

As for Pontless Cameos, well, outside of the three main characters, EVERY FUCKING ROLE is a Pointless Cameo. I didn’t use up my Cineplex gift cards on this movie just to watch Pierce Brosnan phone it in, or to wish Uma Thurman would stop doing whatever the fuck she was doing and just phone it in, or to witness Joe Pantoliano play the same character he’s ever played ever, or to point at the screen and say ‘that’s Rosario Dawson’ instead of listening to her worthless dialogue, or to wonder why in the blue hell Steve Coogan was cast as Hades if they weren’t going to allow him to put his own spin on the character.

The only actors featured in Pointless Cameos who made me wish they had greater roles were Sean Bean and Catherine Keener – the former because I always felt bad that Boromir died, and the latter because I love her.

So yeah. Whatever.

THE VERDICT

Should I have ratings? Everyone has ratings. Fine, here are your damn ratings. Although I suppose next time I do a review, you’ll just scroll past all my delicious text. But that’s your loss.

Up in the Air – 4.5 out of 5

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief – 2 out of 5